Gwledd (The Feast) FILM, BFI / LFF, ★★

I really wanted to enjoy Gwledd, or The Feast as it’s known beyond Wales. There were many reasons why I had high expectations for this cinematic horror soirée based in a remote, newly developed, house in mid-Wales. Being a fellow Welshman, naturally I wanted this new venture on the big screen, (already picked up to be distributed through Picturehouse Cinemas) to be a scenic success. I also knew the previous work of its writer-director team, who had produced hours of theatrical and tv drama in their native Welsh language, mainly for S4C (the fourth Channel in Wales)

From its atmospheric opening images of a rural landscape being raped by a ground-drilling machine, followed by the subsequent graphic punishment of the drill operator, (I assume was pierced to death by the deafening soundtrack), it was clear that this wasn’t going to be an easy or pleasurable feast.

The rest of the film centred on a supposedly ‘modern, newly renovated, unconventional Welsh home’ according to the film’s director Lee Haven Jones. ‘We wanted to avoid the clichéd traditional Welsh stoned building’ he added, at the showing of the film on the second night of the London Film Festival held at the BFI. ‘This house almost becomes another character within the film’, added another representative, during the Q&A at the end. They also mentioned it was available to rent, as I found online! 

I think this house was one of the main reasons why I didn’t enjoy the film. To anyone like me who indulges their passion for new properties by watching Channel 4's series Grand Designs, (and then goes on Twitter to view the brutally honest opinions of the audience on their architectural dream houses), this property was as horrific as the horror in the film’s blurb.

To me, this grey-black, brick-blacked, single glazed eyesore, with its plastic looking pine panelled interior, (which even boasted an open-roofed, darkened brick, chill-out prison cell) looked like a cheap film set.

The producers boasted that this property made the film, but it felt more like they made the film because of this property! After finding this ‘unique’ house, did writer Roger Williams and director Haven Jones come together, over a bottle-or-three of Welsh whiskey, and clobbered together the thinnest of plots, stereotypical characters, and an agricultural theme? Oh, and add in a bit of horror to make the ‘film travel beyond Wales’, as they wanted it to do. 

The other characters in the film weren’t any better; a posh, wealthy wife (Nia Roberts) who looked far too young to have two sons in their early twenties; Gweirydd (Siôn Alun Davies) the sadomasochistic ‘rapist’ weirdo, obsessed with his bike, health and beauty regime, and Guto (Steffan Cennydd) the black-sheep druggie of the family, banished from London to his rural Welsh prison. To justify his journey, the father of the family (Julian Lewis Jones) was the local corrupt Member of Parliament (sheepishly avoiding the reputation of the Welsh Senedd!) and living off his back-handers from the equally stereotypical and corrupt businessman, who also represented the drilling company, played by a comedic Rhodri Meilir. 

And then of course we needed the visitors, Mair - a typical Welsh farmwife, devoted to her land, husband and traditions, beautifully underplayed by Lisa Palfrey, which grounded the film, but unfortunately, couldn’t save it. The same for the ethereal quality of Annes Elwy’s portrayal of Cadi, with her limited lines and confusing presence. These two external but wholly crucial characters, gives us the plot of the story. Mair is invited to the feast, in order for the father and his financial side-kick, to try and get her to agree to sell some of her land for redevelopment. Cadi, the kitchen-maid come waitress, come general dogs-body, is the replacement of their usual help, on such evenings. A completely unrealistic and seemingly unneeded assistance for such a small dinner party, which completely destroys the whole plot!

This unrealistic theme continued throughout the script, from the special delivery of supposed luxury groceries like ‘bok choy’ (which I know is available in most supermarkets in Wales in 2021!) to the apparent lack of six matching wines glasses, or more than one ‘dry cleaned’ white table cloth! After all the fuss, I’m still waiting to see the aforementioned pak choy being prepared for the feast! The £10,000 abstract painting on the wall must have eaten up the crockery budget, although they were quick to declare how wealthy they were, over and over again.

Another unfortunate and unforgivable line and scene, was the return of Mair to the house she’d upsconded from in fury, during the feast. I won’t repeat this dreadful line in Welsh or English, but it’s the pivotal hook that this weak and wobbly plot, is based on, after the discovery of the house, of course!

There is no doubting Haven Jones' ability to create tension, although it does feel unrealistically forced in the first twenty minutes of the film, to try and save a weak plot. His cinematic vision is also impressive, and I'm certain will carry him over to much better material in the future. But for now, forget the fake horror feast, and skip the whole cinematic cliché; just go rent this property in the real beauty of Mid-Wales, with a pre-prepared takeaway and no invited guests! 

Gwledd (The Feast) FILM, BFI / LFF, ★★